We used to kid around about Bluetooth, and not knowing how it worked, and borrowed the phrase from someone, “What is Bluetooth?” Last night as I got in my car and backed out of the driveway to pick up dinner for Lindsey, songs from my phone’s “Work and Travel” playlist should have been playing, somewhere around song 33 or 34. Instead of that, though, I noticed Song #1 popped up. It was a song I wasn’t that familiar with and had not heard in forever. It was the song “Just the Rain” by Lonestar. I listened for a bit and heard the words,
"How someone could be so close and still so far away.
Guess they'll never understand and I just can't explain."
I thought how perfect those words were to describe how I feel every day, but especially on January 15th. Our daughter Lindsey is here with our granddaughter this week, and she is sleeping in the “Pack and Play” that’s set up in James’ room. As a result, we’ve spent more time in James’ room this week than normal. So many of his things are still in the room, so many things given to us by others of memories they had with James. But more than anything else, just the feel of James. I can still see him propped up in bed in his pajama pants playing his electric guitar. One of the reasons we moved into this house was so he could play his guitar. We had looked at a house a couple of streets over, but had heard the neighbor didn’t appreciate any kind of noise or activity. James was going into the 10th grade when we moved here, so there was going to be noise and activity. Anybody who knew James can attest to that. We decided against that house and bought our current home. And James played his guitar. It’s still in his closet. Now it’s the quiet, the nine years of quiet, but at times it’s still like he’s there. James once signed the bedroom wall of Morgan Lewallen, one of his very best friends. When her parents put the house up for sale several years ago, the fact that James had signed the wall was part of the ad for the house. While James didn’t sign any of the walls in our house, he’s a part of every inch of it. It’s still like he’s there. One of the closing lines Alfred Lord Tennyson’s “Charge of the Light Brigade” is
"When will their glory fade?"
As I think through that line, when will any part of our story fade? I think that’s something each of us wonder about. When will our glory, our memory, our legacy fade? I’m certain that depends on how we live, how we treat others, and the difference we’ve made in the lives of others. Victor Frankl wrote, “Faith is trust in ultimate meaning.” James had that trust, and embodied Paul’s words from Hebrews 11: 1, “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” He shared that faith freely, and I believe that’s a big part of why he’s still remembered, why his legacy continues to make a difference and impact the lives of others.
We’re in the process now of reviewing the scholarship application form to be sent out to schools for graduating seniors. We were blessed to be able to meet with every recipient last year, and share James’ story, our “why” for presenting the scholarships. We received notes from two recipients this past week who shared with us how they’re doing in school and the difference James’ story made in their lives. William James once wrote, “The great use of life is to spend it for something that will outlast it.” I marvel that James did this as a teenager. As we presented donations to local charities today, our next to last stop was Second Harvest, a local food bank. Two men were moving pallets in the parking lot and asked Tammy about her purse as she got out of the car. Her purse has a clock face on it, and the friend who gave it to her told her she thought it would help share James’ story, and The Clock is Ticking. That was the case today. As she shared, I gave each of them a card with The Clock is Ticking and James’ picture. One of the men looked at it and said, “My son has this card on his mirror at home.”
We smiled and listened as he told us this.
We thank God for these encounters. These reminders of how He can use the life of an ordinary 17 year old high school senior for His glory. Lyndsay Green wrote, “We are all leaving a legacy, whether we like it or not. Our legacy is a combination of the way we live every day and the impact it has on our friends, our family, our community and the world.”
When will their glory fade? As we remember that tragic day nine years ago, we are blessed as we receive almost daily examples of James’ life and legacy continuing to make a difference. We’re doubly blessed this week to have Lindsey and Betty here with us and the constant reminders of James in this house. We miss James daily, but especially today, but take comfort in the words from Psalm 73: 26, “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Forever is a long time, and we’re blessed by a God who can make and keep that promise. I still don’t understand how Bluetooth works, but I do understand how someone could be so close and still so far away. We love you and miss you James.